Guest List & RSVP Nightmares: How to Avoid Them (and Maybe Save Your Sanity)

Episode 2 of Pasties & Prosecco dives into the nightmares (and potential joys!) of guest lists and RSVPs.

Host Francesca, a bride-to-be herself, spills the tea on:

• The tricky balance of venue capacity and guest numbers (who came first, the chicken or the venue?)
• Why each guest comes with a hidden price tag (besides the emotional attachment!)
• How to handle family pressure and avoid "guest list guilt"
• The pros and cons of a relaxed seating plan vs. a structured one
• The importance of RSVPs and how to gently nudge those who haven't responded (without turning into Bridezilla)

This episode is packed with relatable advice and a healthy dose of humour to help you navigate this potentially stressful part of wedding planning. So grab a pasty (or your beverage of choice) and get ready to conquer your guest list and RSVPs like a boss!

Don't forget to subscribe for more planning tips and inspiration. Cheers to a stress-free (and guest-list-sorted) wedding day!

Transcript

Welcome to episode two of Pasties and Prosecco and this week I'm getting married.  I wanted to share with you the most frustrating moments in my planning experience and that was creating a guest list, managing the RSVPs and setting a table plan. It's an absolute nightmare, let me tell you. So before I say I do, I wanted to share with you some tips and tricks on how to save your sanity when creating your guest list and making a seating plan.

But first, get ready to whistle along to the Pasties and Prosecco jingle. 

Hey Cornish cuties, are you getting hitched in this beautiful county and feeling a tad overwhelmed? Well don't fret. I'm Francesca, owner of the stunning Manhay Farm, and this is Pasties and Prosecco, your one stop for all. Stop shop for all things wedding planning in Cornwall.  We'll be bringing you the best local suppliers, stress busting tips, real bride stories, and enough fun to make you forget about those pesky spreadsheets.

Because at Manhay Farm, we believe your wedding should be a joyful celebration of your love story and a chance to create lasting memories with family and friends. See you soon. So grab a glass of Prosecco, pop in those earbuds and get ready to plan the most unique and unforgettable wedding ever. 

So one of the first exciting tasks you will do in your wedding planning is curating a guest list. Now, straight off the bat, you've just entered yourself into a political and financial minefield.  When creating a guest list, you must assess whether your guest numbers will fit into your chosen venue. And if you still need to select a venue, remember that your numbers may affect your chosen venue.

So it's a bit of a chicken and an egg situation. So you need to ask yourself if booking the dream venue is the most important or if fitting everyone you want to invite in is the most important to you. That will determine whether you book the venue first or find venues based on your guest numbers. Now at Manhay Farm we can seat up to 120 guests for both the ceremony and the wedding breakfast and then up to 200 in the evening.

So our guests usually have the space to invite everyone and anyone. However, it's important to be selective. Every guest comes with a price, literally.  Once you've factored in the invites, catering, place settings, plates, cutlery, wedding favors, welcome drinks, wine on the table, each name on your list carries a price tag.

And if you're going to go for a dry hire venue, like a marquee, you may even have to consider rentals such as chairs and table hire on top of that. So considering all these factors. It's a sure way to be honest and ask yourself whether you want to add Auntie Mildred's cousin's sister's uncle to the guest list. 

It's really tempting to over invite with the thought that some guests will drop out, but be prepared. You're probably more popular than you think you are. Everyone might gladly accept your invitation and that will leave you with night sweats, worrying how you'll squish everyone in and pay for the privilege of doing so. 

The biggest challenge you will find is you are guaranteed to upset someone in your family or social circle. Whether you've invited friends that don't get along or chosen not to ask a distant family member that you've only ever seen or heard from when there's a death in the family. Get comfortable with feeling pressured by certain people to amend your guest list accordingly.

I experienced both when planning my wedding and although it's difficult you must keep reminding yourself. That is your and your fiance's day. You wanna be surrounded by people you love, trust, and wanna spend time with. I dunno about you, but I would hate making awkward conversations with people I barely know, just 'cause we share a few genetics and even that is questionable  with my sassy friends who clash.

I've suggested that they drop each other a line to break the ice before the day. Whether that happens is entirely up to them. Still, if people generally care about you, they won't make a scene on your wedding day. As long as you don't sit them next to each other at the wedding breakfast, and the thought has crossed my mind,  they will probably act like adults and be courteous to one another. 

I shall let you know. So  the next question you'll have to tackle after the guest list is, should I have a table plan? Now, most couples getting married at Manhay Farm choose to have a relaxed seating plan where guests can graze throughout the day and choose to sit wherever and with whomever they wish.

This has worked well. But. Personally, it makes me nervous. I'd hate to have to be the one to ask people to move tables because families have been separated, or guests to feel like they're back at high school again and have to approach a group of clicky people who blankly stare at them as they approach with awry smiles and pleading eyes because that's the only chairs left to sit on. 

I recently attended a family wedding with no seating plan. I ended up on the unofficial top table with a groom I'd never met or spoken to. To make matters worse, my mum sat beside the bride, separating her from her new hubby. To be fair, it was a lovely opportunity to see my family, whom I hadn't spent Time with in years and meet her lovely new husband, but I couldn't help but notice the whisperings of other guests that probably went along the lines of who does she think she is sitting at the top table like that? 

Paranoia or not, I knew that I wanted some order on our wedding day. So I did choose to have a seating plan. After deciding this, I realized the guest list was only half the challenge and ensuring the table plan worked was a new can of worms. You need a degree in psychology to make a table plan that works.

Who will gel with who? Who won't get my fiance fired when I pop them on a table with his boss? You have to ensure people who don't get on that well are not facing each other and throwing daggers across the room. It's exhausting. I must have changed my table plan about 50 times. Then when you've managed to get it just about perfect, someone pulls out and you must rejig the whole thing.

This is one of the best tips I can offer you when making a table plan. Don't create one too early. Although you want to be super organized and get this ginormous headache out the way, just don't. Wait until a month before the wedding before you tackle this challenge because unfortunately you will face last minute cancellations and you'll have to go back to the drawing board.

Don't actually design and print your table plan until at least a week before the wedding. Otherwise, you'll just lose a hell of a lot of time and money when you have to do it again when the numbers change.  This leads me to RSVPs.  Please, please, please do not be chilled about your RSVPs.  This is one area where you can turn a bit bridezilla and demand an official response to your wedding invite. 

I'd seen it when a couple catered to 150 guests and only a third showed up. It is heartbreaking for the couple, not only because the guests haven't shown, but because of how much money they've spent on the catering and all the other costs we mentioned at the show start. I would suggest not taking their first response as gospel.

Check in with your guests directly. And thank them for responding a few months out. Give them an easy way to contact you if things change like your WhatsApp number. And then a month ago to your wedding day, check in with them again and mention your finalizing catering numbers that plants the seeds that you're actually spending money on them.

And any responsible human will then let you know if there's any chance that they can't make it. So there you have it. Guest lists, RSVPs, they can be a nightmare, but hopefully these tips will help you navigate them a little smoother and avoid major headaches and maybe a hole in your wedding budget.

Remember it's your special day. So surround yourselves with the loved ones who truly matter. And hey, if some last minute changes happen. Don't worry about it. Take a deep breath, grab a pasty or your stress reliever of choice, and roll with the punches. Do you want to share your own guest list or RSVP  nightmares?

Well, I'd love to hear them. So head over to the new Facebook group. And for more wedding planning tips and Cornish wedding inspiration, check out our website, weddingcornwall. co. uk. And until next time, happy planning.