Welcome back Cornish cuties to another episode of Pasties Prosecco. Today we're diving into the heart of your wedding day, the ceremony. But before we get swept away in visions of white dresses and vows under the Cornish sky, we have a special guest who's here to chat about all the exciting options you have to make your ceremony truly unique and personal, including an option that the majority of couples don't even know exists.
Well, that is until today. Trust me, this episode will change everything you thought you knew about wedding ceremonies, but here's the pasties and Prosecco's jingle.
Hey Cornish cuties, are you getting hitched in this beautiful county and feeling a tad overwhelmed? Well, don't fret. I'm Francesca, owner of the stunning Manhay Farm, and this is Pastiz Prosecco, your one stop shop for all things wedding planning in Cornwall. We'll be bringing you the best local suppliers, stress free, Busting tips, real bride stories and enough fun to make you forget about those pesky spreadsheets.
Because at Manhay Farm we believe your wedding should be a joyful celebration of your love story and a chance to create lasting memories with family and friends. So grab a glass of Prosecco, pop in those earbuds and get ready to plan the most unique and unforgettable wedding ever.
So joining me today is the lovely Debbie from Brightstar Ceremonies, a celebrant who's passionate about crafting unforgettable wedding experiences, and who also was the lovely lady who conducted my own wedding ceremony a couple of weeks ago. And let me tell you, there were tears, laughter, and all the feels, Debbie, welcome to the show.
Hi, Francesca. Nice to see you again.
Nice to see you, Debbie. So how you been?
Yeah, all good. Thank you. Nice to see you.
Well, it's lovely to have you on Pasties and Prosecco. Thank you for joining me today. So we're actually going to get to know you, Debbie, talk to you about your business and let our listeners know a little bit about Celebrant Ceremony.
Sound good?
Yep. Yep. That sounds great.
So, how long have you been a celebrant, Debbie?
So, I've been a celebrant for two years now and I decided that I wanted to go the route of being a qualified celebrant. So, I've done training and I've, um, I'm qualified as well. So, I did exams but that's because I'm a square and I like to know that I'm doing everything right and I've covered all my bases.
Thanks.
That's quite interesting. So there is qualifications that you can do as a celebrant and not all celebrants out there have these qualifications.
Yeah, that's right. Actually, anyone can say that they're a celebrant, which is quite scary. And I think that's why it's really important that brides and grooms need to do their research and they need to find someone who they feel confident with, who they think is professional and really does know their, know their stuff really.
Yeah, so, because it is a big responsibility, isn't it, holding someone's ceremony?
It's a huge responsibility. It's a massive privilege, but I still get all the nerves and all the feels for, for the wedding ceremonies. Um, because it is, it is really important. It's probably one of the most important days in their lives and you want to make it as special as possible.
Yeah, no, absolutely. Um, it's, it's really nice that you actually say it's a privilege because you do kind of, you know, get to know the couples really intimately. And it's really, as you say, important to, um, get to know your celebrant too, because you've got to be, you've got to be quite comfortable kind of like sharing your love story with that person.
Yeah, absolutely. Um, and it does, when you read what people tell you or you hear what people tell you about themselves and how they met, they're like really intimate love stories. It's really emotional and you do feel a huge responsibility. Um, you know, and alongside that, obviously you keep it to yourself, you know, the confidentiality.
is there and I would only share, um, at the wedding, I would only share what the bride and groom will be happy for me to share. So, and that's really important too.
Yeah, I was, I was actually quite nervous actually when you sent me all these questionnaires. I was like, wow, I was like, I'm, you know, um, exposing my soul to Debbie here.
Um, but it does make for a beautiful ceremony. Um, when you. are really open when you go through that process, but more about that later. So why did you become a Celebrant?
So I've, um, my background is 30 years of teaching and, um, within that role, which I loved, but within that role, um, you get to meet families and you, uh, are problem solving and creative and you have really good links with people on an emotional level as well as on a professional level.
And I felt like, um, you know, that those were the kind of skills that you need if you're a wedding celebrant and who doesn't love a wedding? I mean, what an exciting job.
I know it's so lovely to be in the business of love and celebration, isn't it? We're so lucky.
Here we
are. So, um, you were a teacher.
That's interesting. So, uh, does any of your, uh, teaching skills come in handy being a celebrant?
Oh yeah, hugely. In many ways. So we were just talking about, um, some brides and grooms, uh, hire a photographer for their wedding and they don't want, um, other people to take photos. We call it like an unplugged ceremony.
So it's quite handy to have your, your eye out and your teacher voice ready. I don't really tell people off, but you know.
Yeah, we were just talking because one of my guests at the wedding, uh, the lovely Vika actually took some, it was an unplugged ceremony. We asked everyone to kind of, you know, enjoy, be in the moment, be present.
And there she was sneakily taking these beautiful photos and videos of us, uh, throughout the ceremony. And, uh, you didn't spot that one, but I was actually quite pleased because they were. beautiful photos and videos that she took. And, um, it was so nice to wake up on the wedding morning, well, the morning after the wedding, I should say, with a little bit of a hangover and, uh, you know, relive the moment.
Yeah, no, it was lovely. And it wasn't intrusive. It was done beautifully.
So yeah, Debbie, the, There's many brides that will not be aware that there are actually different options for a wedding ceremony in Cornwall, or even anywhere in the UK. So can you tell me a little bit about the options that are available?
Yeah, absolutely.
When I say to people that I'm a wedding celebrant, They often say, Oh, what's that? What is that? You know, people don't understand that they've got these choices. So, um, you could go to a registrar and have a ceremony in a registry office, um, for your wedding. You could have a wedding in a venue that's licensed and have a registrar do your wedding.
Um, or, or obviously you've got church options. Um, but if you have a celebrant, what you can do is. the legal paperwork at the registry office, um, which is called a two plus two. And if you ask that, um, it's about 48 pounds, I think in Cornwall at the moment, a two plus
two. That's so inexpensive.
Absolutely.
So you do the paperwork much like you would register a birth of a child. So it's just the paperwork, the two people that are getting married, and two witnesses. And then, if you have a celebrant lead your wedding, you can literally have your wedding wherever you like, and whatever time you like. You know the celebrant, so the celebrant is someone you've connected with, that you've especially chosen, whereas with a registrar, it could be any of the team.
Do your wedding and turn up on the day. Yeah, you don't get to pick,
do you?
No.
You don't get to pick and you don't get to connect with that person before your wedding day. It's just someone that shows up on the day. Is that right?
Yeah, that's right. And they, they're only there for a limited time. A very specific time because they might have several other weddings to go to that day.
Whereas with a celebrant, what I do is I only put your wedding in that day. So if you happen to be late, it doesn't matter. It takes all that pressure off you. I always get there super early to check in with everyone, to make sure everything's ready. And I also check the setup is right for you. I connect with the photographer, the videographer, other professionals who are working with you on the day so that everything runs really smoothly.
Um, and I don't whip off at the end of the ceremony either. I just make sure that everything gently flows into whatever is, is happening next.
It sounds like you're a bit of a mini wedding planner on the day.
Well, no, I'm definitely not a wedding planner. They do a great job, but I, I have, um, ran around town when they, um, a couple had misplaced their And having a slight worry about it.
So I nipped off after the ceremony and ran round town buying postcards, um, of the place where they got married so that their guests could sign postcards and comment on the postcards. So they still had that, um, kind of element of their wedding.
Yeah. That's beautiful. And it sounds like you go above and beyond, you know, what, you know, some other celebrants might even do, you know, I can imagine some celebrants will just come in and do the ceremony and leave.
Um, but it sounds to me that you offer full package and, and, you know, you care about the couples and their day, which which is really lovely to hear. Um, Yeah, I think when we were looking at venues to get married, um, we, we kind of like, we're looking at legal, you know, ceremonies, um, because we didn't even know that there was other options.
And I know that, you know, brides who come to visit Manhay Farm don't know where to start. They don't know the options. Uh, they just think that there's two options. You either go to the registry office. you have a ceremony there, and then you have a reception elsewhere, or you go to a venue which is licensed and you have your ceremony and your party there all at once.
Um, so I was even surprised. Um, and I think you were the first person to tell me that there was. Different options. And I'm so glad you did because, um, you know, I heard about, I had heard about celebrants and I thought, Oh, I don't really want to do it twice. And that's what I think a lot of brides think that they would have to do.
They would have to have. a ceremony down at the registry office and for that to be, you know, one ceremony and then they would wait and then have another ceremony that's more personalized. But it was really surprising for me to hear, and I know other brides have been surprised when I've been spreading the word, um, that, um, you can actually just literally go down, um, make an appointment and sign the like, as you said, it's like, registering a birth, registering a death.
There's no fancy kind of, you know, you don't even have to exchange rings. Um, it, so you can actually go in and out. It doesn't feel like your wedding day. And therefore, when you come to your actual, you know, wedding day where you have your ceremony with a celebrant like yourself, it does feel like the right, like, The right thing.
Yes, it feels like the right thing, but it, it does feel like the real thing. It feels like the real day and it is the real day, right?
Yeah, absolutely. I think what it does is it lifts that pressure from you. So when you're doing your legal paperwork, there are legal words that you have to say. And if you get them wrong, you have to redo them because it is a legal, legally binding
Right.
Ceremony. Whereas your actual wedding day, with a celebrant led wedding, that pressure is taken off you and it opens you up to all sorts of other choices. And so, um, with a registrar. They may offer you a ceremony, and they'll say that they can personalize the ceremony. Um, whereas with the celebrant led ceremony, we can include things that reflect your values, your beliefs.
It can be religious. We can include prayers, if that's what you'd like us to do. Um, I include a lot of rituals. In many of my ceremonies, um, like hand fasting rituals, sort of pagan based rituals, which are really beautiful, um, where the couple could choose ribbons that signify the elements that they would like to have in as part of their married life.
Or they might choose, um, fabrics that are special to them. So I've had one bride use lace from her mum's wedding dress within her ribbons. Um, I've got another couple who, um, were using the tie that he wore when they first met and some fabric from her dress. That's it. She was wearing when they first met and we're Oh, that's so romantic.
Yeah, really beautiful. Um, and also some of my, um, ceremonies are elopements, you know. So, um, it's just me and the couple on a beach. Uh, during the wedding ceremony with no witnesses.
There's just so many options, isn't there? So couples with you can write their own vows and, and, you know, Yeah, absolutely.
talk about their love for
each other. Yeah, yeah. Some people want some extra support when they're writing their vows, and that's fine. You know, I can have one to one with the couple, you know, each individually to chat about what they'd like to include in their vows. I can't. got examples that I can share as a kind of pick and mix.
But, um, I have couples that will write their vows and their love letters to each other and keep it private, but they're still expressing their love to each other. Some couples, after they've done their vows, I ask their guests to make a vow too. So if I have to support the couple and to, um, to be there for them as part of their village, but I also managed to get, um, the guests to include a promise that they would buy Indian takeaways for the couple for the next year.
You know, we can, we can, we can lighten, lighten the ceremony. They're always really heartfelt, but some are more, um, playful. More playful ceremonies than others.
Yeah, which I love. With a legal ceremony, it's very serious. It's very, as you say, strict. You have to follow certain words. Where, you know, if you, I feel uncomfortable about that.
Or, or you actually, you know, love humor and that's part of your relationship. You can introduce that into your, into your ceremony script or, or your vows. I think that was one of the lovely things about working with, with you is, is you guiding, uh, us as a couple through, um, you know, exploring our feelings about one another.
And at some moments I was sitting there and, and, you know, Chris was sitting in the other room doing his, and even though we were doing it separately, I felt so close to him. I felt bonded. I shed a tear because you do go through those kind of like, you know, all those emotions that, and you have to relive your, your first moments together and all the good things and, and your story.
And that is one of the most beautiful. Beautiful things. I think I went through when planning our wedding, um, you kind of go, Oh, where do you start? Like, how do I do it? What do I say? But then once it all starts flowing, all those emotions come and, and you do, I just felt so connected to, uh, you know, Chris, my now husband, um, who, um, but to him and he, he felt exactly the same.
It was a, it was a wonderful process, um, you know, and something that we wouldn't have got if we actually. went and, you know, had a registrar do our service.
We live such busy lives, don't we? And planning a wedding is probably the peak of that busyness. And it's really nice just to take a moment and to breathe and to just sort of be present and really think about why you're doing what you're doing.
Yeah,
absolutely.
Yeah, I think that's what's reflected on the day as well. You're not feeling that. I mean, everyone gets nerves, but you're not feeling that nervous pressure, I hope, with, um, a celebrant led wedding, because what I want are my bride and groom, or my groom and groom, or my bride and bride, to feel at ease, to feel like they can really enjoy the day and remember the day, and when I talk back with you, for example, you telling me lots of things about the day, about the ceremony, that you really enjoyed, and I'm And to be able to remember that means that your adrenaline, you know, although it was like racing around your system, you were still present.
You weren't thinking, Oh, I've got to get this bit over with and then I can party. Whereas for the legal ceremony, it's kind of how it feels, you know,
get
that bit over with.
I think Chris was, was a bit more in that mindset. Um, I kept on, you know, telling him to breathe. He was turning bright red, like a tomato and holding his breath through the whole thing.
And I think he wanted it just to end. Uh, but you know, um, I, I did have a blackout, you're right with the adrenaline after the day, it took me a few days to kind of sink in and, and, and, you know, go, wow, that really happened. Cause it did feel like a dream, um, you know, for a couple of days afterwards. Um, yeah, so what are some of the things Cornish couples or, you know, any couple actually visiting Cornwall and getting married here should consider when deciding between a religious ceremony and a celebrant led ceremony?
I think do your research, you know, really talk to the people that are connected with, with wedding services. Um, it is really important. For some people, they do just want a registrar's ceremony. And that's fine if that suits you. If it's, you know, each, each to his own. But if you want a really personalized, unique wedding ceremony that is meaningful for you both, And that can incorporate whatever you want into it and be where you want if you want a sunrise ceremony, if you want a twilight ceremony, if you want to be on a beach, in a beautiful barn setting like Manhay Farm.
You know, if you want that freedom, then look at a celebrant led ceremony, absolutely. But again, do your research, find a celebrant that you connect with. That you feel like they get you because that's really important.
Yeah. Yeah. As you said, it's kind of like you, we have to kind of, you know, work together quite closely, share some intimate details.
So yeah, it's important to kind of like, almost feel like you could be friends with that person when choosing a celebrant. Yeah, I agree. Um, so obviously having a personalized ceremony is one of the biggest things and we've talked a lot about that. Um, is there any other benefits that we haven't covered for having a celebrant led wedding?
There was a timing obviously that you mentioned and. Yeah,
absolutely. But you can also, um, involve people who are really special to you in the ceremony. So if you've got any children, children can be involved in the ceremony as much or as little as you, as you would like them to be. So, um, one of my couples have got, um, children that have chosen the colours of the ribbons for their handfasting ceremony.
I've got another couple where, um, children have chosen colours for on this, in the sand ceremony. So the family are signifying that they are blending together when they're pouring the sand into their beautiful ribbons. Um, bars. Um, and also I've got a couple whose dog is part of their family, well and truly embedded as part of their family.
I know we had your dog, little Lily, wandering around. Yeah,
my fur baby.
We are having his paw print on the wedding certificate, which is really beautiful. Um, and on my, um, I was just going to say on my website, I've got a few blogs on there. And one of them is about how to incorporate animals in your wedding.
If you, if animals are part of your family, it might be nice. I'll, I'll,
um, include that in the show notes for sure for people to check that out. Okay. So, um, Debbie, If people really want to, they've heard what we've been discussing, they think, great, I really want to book a Celebran wedding. Can you talk us through the process of what happens, um, and, and how they go ahead and find a Celebran and, and book them for their wedding day?
Some of my Couples book me through word of mouth. So they've been to a wedding, um, that I've already conducted or that, um, they've been recommend, I've been recommended to them. Um, but obviously good old Google. plays a good part in that. So I've got a Google page, I've got a Google page set up, um, that then links to my website.
Some couples put me through Instagram or Facebook as well. Um, and there are other sites that can recommend celebrants, but, um, yeah, that's how I get most of mine. So I've got, um, a website set up and couples can email me. on the website to show an interest. And then what I tend to suggest is that we, um, have a chat either over Zoom or a telephone just to, so that I can explain what I provide and they can talk about what kind of things they want and we can see if we're a good fit for each other.
Yeah, I think that's important, isn't it? To kind of, you know, get to know, cause you don't know the person behind an email or a text message or WhatsApp or, you know, an Instagram message, you know, you really need to kind of get to know, you know, the celebrant's personality and likewise, you know, you get to know the couple as well by, you know, picking up the phone or, or having that, that face to face meeting, uh, for the first time and knowing whether you're a right fit for each other.
Yeah, absolutely. And when you look on the website, you can see photos and read reviews from other couples that I've married, which is handy as well. Um, and you can have a read through the blogs that I've put up on there, which, um, which are kind of informative and give you, they give you a flavor of the kind of weddings that are, that, that we do.
Um, and then what happens is if you, if my. I've got availability for the date that you want to book that, um, we meet up and we have a face to face chat because I think that's also really important and you book the date with a deposit. So I make sure that my, um, my weddings are kind of support people's finances because it is hard.
I know weddings are so expensive. So. Okay. Thank you. I break down the payments into three payments over the time for my couples. So there's the deposit, and then when I, when it comes to writing the script, that's when the second payment is, and about a month before the actual day, that's the third payment.
Well, that's helpful. Yeah. Cause it is always difficult. We've got a podcast episode on that about how to kind of manage your finances and, and budget for your big day, because that is one of the biggest headaches of planning a wedding. Let me tell you.
Yeah, absolutely. And I also make sure that I stay in contact with my couples.
So we, um, set up a group WhatsApp. So at any point, you can message me questions, you can ask for another catch up on the phone. I'm really available to my couples because I know what it's like. I don't want anyone lying in bed worrying about something they could just
talk to me about. And you know, when should couples book, you know, your services or another Celebrant services?
Yeah, if it's a particular Celebrant that you want. really just give as much notice as you can. Um, it is really tricky and there are available dates. Um, it depends whether you're booking a venue. It's sort of that swings and roundabouts, isn't it? So, um, yeah, I have a look at some venues, see where you're, you're thinking if, if you indeed it is a venue.
I mean, a couple of mine this year are on beaches, so we don't need to book a beach, which is great. All we need to do then is be aware of the tide.
Oh, yes. Good point.
Yeah, there are a few bits of homework we really need to
do for those. I just want to Debbie today for your excellent advice. I think all of our audience members and our listeners out there will actually be, you know, so grateful.
Um, and I think it just makes everything so much clearer on the different types of ceremony options that are available out there. And, um, for our listeners who are interested in the Celebrant led ceremony, where can they find you?
So my, um, website is BrightstarCeremonies. co. uk and I, you can email me on Debbie.
Brightstarceremonies. co. uk. I'm also on Instagram, Facebook, you know, all the usual platforms. Thank you so much for inviting me on, Francesco. It's so lovely to have a chat and a catch up.
Oh, it's such a pleasure. And, um, we'll definitely put all of those links in our show notes so people can get into contact with you.
And, um, yeah, thank you so much for sharing your expertise with our listeners today. There you have it. As you can hear, you have so many options when it comes to your wedding ceremony. Whether you choose a traditional religious ceremony in a church, a registrar led ceremony, or a celebrant led ceremony that's uniquely yours.
The most important thing is that it reflects your love story and creates a memory you'll cherish forever. Don't forget to check out Debbie's website for more information on celebrant led ceremonies. That will be available in our show notes. And if you have any questions about wedding planning in Cornwall, I'm always here to help.
Until next time.